On Wisdom

Today my tea gave me advice.

It was a sachet of Yogi Tea, and printed on the tag were these words: "Knowing others is smart, knowing yourself is wise."

This fits remarkably well with what I was thinking about the virtue of wisdom. It occurred to me when I sat down to write this that wisdom is something we often think comes from people who have lived longer lives than us, or who have had greater spiritual experiences, or a better education. It is rare that we acknowledge ourselves as a potential source of wisdom.

I have found that wisdom does come from experience, and often from people who have more experience than I do. But I have also found myself capable of producing more wisdom than I ever expected. As a young pagan, I have found that sometimes I lean too heavily on the elders of my community, not trusting my own wisdom because I haven't cultivated it. I haven't always put into practice the wisdom that bubbles up from inside of me like water in a spring, and that's a shame.

In addition to studying the nine ADF virtues, I also study a series of virtue pairs that I created, inspired by myths about Artemis. One such virtue pair is pride and humility. While I believe that pride and humility are a pair of traits that need to be balanced, I want to focus on pride for the purpose of this essay. To me, finding wisdom in yourself requires appropriate pride.

In the CedarLight Grove Mentor Manual, wisdom is defined as "simply the ability to know.  Knowing implies an understanding that exists beyond learning as the ability to recognize." Knowing also implies a degree of pride in your ability to understand. At the grove, I have witnessed many members acting with wisdom and appropriate pride when they took on roles in ritual. Seeing this wisdom in action has left an impression on me. Wisdom does not always have to come from hard lessons. Sometimes it comes from the gentle laughter of the divine. And while I have also seen members of the grove acting with wisdom in times of discord, it is during celebrations of the kindred that I see the wisdom the most.

It would be highly convenient if I received a bit of insight like this every day simply by drinking a cup of tea. I'm grateful for this happy coincidence. It has given me a moment to reflect on wisdom, and how I can cultivate wisdom in my life.

Carry On

So this is a somewhat inevitable post, yet it is one I am having some difficulty writing. "Coming out" sounds like an event- a one-time deal, where you put your soul on display, and prepare yourself for an onslaught of criticism that may or may not come. But it's not an event, it's a process. Maybe your parents know. Maybe people at work don't. Maybe at school you're a completely different person than you are at home. And maybe you have to "come out" several times, possibly even to the same people, because your sense of self is evolving constantly. You are a work in progress. We are all works in progress.

Sometimes I find myself asking, Why me? Why is this the path the gods have made for me? I don't have an answer, and I don't think I'm going to get one anytime soon. I don't like to indulge in that line of questioning, anyway. It's too easy for me to slip back into depression when I begin to feel sorry for myself.

In my journey through modern paganism, I have discovered plenty of men devoted to female deities. But I still think I turn a few heads when I say that I'm devoted to Artemis, and I identify as male. I have seen some pagans insist that Artemis hates men. In my experience, that's not true at all. Artemis came into my life at a time when I was first discovering my gender identity, and she's been with me ever since. When I've been scared that my identity meant that she'd abandon me, she's reminded me that she's still there, in big ways.

I don't like to talk too much about my gender in pagan spaces. More often than not, it's something I find embarrassing to bring up, even among people who know about such an intimate part of me as my spirituality. Revealing something like that about myself is somewhat exhilarating, but also really exhausting. But it's something I often need to talk about, even if I'd really rather not.

Some people will talk about magical names or craft names. I often think that Andrew is my magical name. It may not sound particularly spiritual, but for me, it is. It represents the will to find my own way through the forest, to listen to the voice inside of me that tells me what is right for me, to risk many things for the sake of integrity. What name could be more magical than that?

Right now, I'm uncertain of many things in my life. I don't really know where my journey to a truer sense of self will take me. I know it will probably be a difficult path, but I also know the consequences of not listening to my inner voice will be far worse than any danger I face by listening to it. And I know that I'm not alone. That is the most comforting thing of all.

"Carry on my wayward son, there'll be peace when you are done. Lay your weary head to rest, don't you cry no more." - Kansas, "Carry On Wayward Son"

Devotion

This blog, first and foremost, is an act of devotion to Artemis.

My journey through the woods with her began when I was 18, and a freshman in college. I was looking for a sign, and I came across a mother deer and her nursing baby on a walk through the woods. I continued to see deer for some time after that. However, it wasn't until I found myself face to face with a small altar statue of her that I realized I was definitely being called. Later that same night, I found a card that said "DEER: TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS." I thought I ought to listen.

It has occurred to me that the deer I continued to see might have been sent by another god or goddess- or might not have been signs at all. But since I began worshiping and working with Artemis, I have felt our bond grow stronger. And when I pulled away from her, she sent her deer to remind me of what we have.* It is, of course, my unverified personal gnosis that Artemis has sought me out, and there isn't a very clear way of verifying what I believe. I hesitate to use the word "patroness," though that is the sort of relationship I believe I have with her.

I'm not Greek. I do have Italian ancestry, but we're from northern Italy. So while Artemis has called to me, it's sometimes been more challenging to hear her. I've noticed that the stronger my ancestral ties to a deity or practice, the easier it is to worship and work with that deity or do that practice. Still, I believe that is it in fact Artemis who has sought me out, not any goddess with similar qualities from another culture. And I strive to learn as much about ancient Greek culture and religion as possible; my practice is modern, but my foundation is ancient.

My relationship with Artemis has led me many places. I found my passion, ancient history, by exploring my interest in ancient Greek religion. I decided to major in ancient studies, and I am now learning to read ancient Greek (Attic Greek, specifically). And I have been continuously challenged throughout the past year, as I've learned more about what it means to be one of her chosen.

So I write this blog for her.

*The story of how she interrupted me when I was making offerings to another goddess probably deserves its own post. 


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"...I just let one day move into two, and I'm losing everything except for you. I would sing you a song of devotion, that's what I should do..." - Indigo Girls