I've decided to make a post about my ancestors because, when doing a simple daily devotional before my newly-redecorated main altar, I felt their presence very strongly. I'm not sure if it was the apple cinnamon tea I made to toast to the kindred with tonight, or something about today that made them particularly interested in visiting me, but I felt more connected to them than I usually do. It's easiest for me to connect with gods and goddesses, probably because they're what I initially perceived as the focus of my paganism. Since joining ADF, I've restructured my practice to include all of the kindred, but sometimes I still find myself focusing on the deities more than anyone else, and that's a shame, because my ancestors are very important. After all, they are why I am here today!
But perhaps I never really forget my ancestors, even when the shining ones overshadow them in my practice. Although I feel like my hearth culture is Hellenic, I have no Greek ancestry. However, I have Irish, Scottish, Polish, and Italian ancestry. I thought perhaps my Italian ancestry was responsible for my pull towards the Greek hearth culture, since there were certainly many Greeks in parts of Italy. But my family is from northern Italy, and I've been told that it's more likely that I have cultural ties to the Norse pantheon than to anything Hellenic. Perhaps this explains why I feel called to have a small Norse shrine in my room, dedicated mostly to Freyja. It certainly makes sense that I'd need a space for the Irish gods as well. My Irish shrine is mainly to the Morrigan, although at various times I have had candles or symbols for other deities present there as well. So while my ancestors might not be of the pantheon that chose me, I still feel a strong connection to my ancestors when I interact with the Norse and Irish cultures in ritual or in study.
So far I have said a bit about how the ancestors fit into my modern pagan practice. I think it is important to note that my practice is definitely different from the way my ancestors may have done things. I don't think that doing things the way we think our ancestors did them is always advisable. My ancestors have done things I disagreed with, and my pagan ancestors are no exception. So I do remove things from my practice that do not resonate with me, or are not a part of the ADF tradition. I also don't hold the same beliefs my ancestors did about a lot of things. Again, I don't think that this is inauthenticity. I think it is actually a part of carrying on the legacy of my ancestors to adapt when necessary, and to hopefully leave the world a better place than it was when they walked it as living beings.
So who are my ancestors?
There are of course those ancestors related to me by blood. The ancestor I mention the most is my grandmother, who passed away about two years ago, around this time. She had Alzheimer's, and it was very difficult to watch someone who I knew was very intelligent struggle to make us understand what she wanted us to know. My grandmother and I did not see eye to eye about everything, although I doubt she knew it. And sometimes I wonder if she feels uncomfortable when I bring up her name at pagan rituals. However, I felt pretty strongly the day she died that what I needed to do was set out an offering of food for her.
I also count as ancestors those who are not related to me by blood, but who are related to me by common experience. One such ancestor is a girl from my high school who died a few years after graduating. She wrote some excellent poetry and prose for the school's literary magazine. Although I did not know her very well, I admired her writing. I recall thinking of her one weekend, only to find out that week that the day I remembered her name was the day she died. I feel that she is one of those departed friends whose spirit has spoken to me. A group of people who I also consider spiritual ancestors are those who've died tragic and sometimes violent deaths, at their own hands or at the hands of another, because of their sexual orientation or gender expression and identity. I can't speak for my ancestors, and I don't really know if they see me as a beacon of hope for the future, but I often feel like it is my duty to make the world a better place for them by fighting the forms of oppression they faced in life.
Finally, I consider the heroes of history and legend a part of my ancestral line, as well as the ordinary people. In particular, I think of those heroes and common folk of ancient Greece. This might not be in the strictest sense what ancestors are, but in my chosen academic path, I encounter the stories of these people often, and I find myself drawn to them. Whether through a common profession, common gods, or another common experience, I feel a connection, and I feel that my work is often an offering to their spirits. I try my best to remember their stories, and to recall the common people. It is a historical fallacy to think that history is only about those who are exceptional. I try very hard not to project my belief systems onto a culture and a time that are not my own, and in doing so, hopefully I avoid anachronism. It is very important to me to remember these people as they were, and not as we would imagine them to be.
I was not expecting this post to take such a heavy turn when I began writing. I thought mostly of the warmth I felt when toasting my ancestors tonight, but now I am feeling the weight of their legacy. There is still a warmth and a presence there, but there's a challenge as well. I know that the blood of my ancestors flows through me, and that their spirits are never far away. And I know I can call on them when I need. I feel as though they are guiding me to write these words, to make this post, to remember them always. And I think they believe in me. Sometimes it really feels like the world is too unpleasant a place for little bits of hope to thrive. But I also know that the kindred are with us, and I believe we are capable of rising to the challenge of our ancestors.
